they come and go......

I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.

kawaii!!!

I Finally remove the auto play music in my blog :) and thinking of putting an mp3 playlist. Just spare me some time kk? :D

I woke up from a very loud voice of my dad this morning. DAMN!! i just slept for an hour and when i tried to go back to dream land, i couldn't find my way to SLEEP. I called boyfie just to wake him up since t'was almost 8:00am and his class starts exactly 8:00 unfortunately and i bet this "sleepyhead boyfie of mine" is snoring his a** out that he couldn't hear his phone :D . Since Eurybe (My lappy) is always On till i leave the house, I checked my mail just like any other day(lol) and think of working on my new assignment but just like any other day again! I end up lurking random people's profile on facebook. This time, I lurked on my old friends when i was young, during my elementary days, high school days and my early college days.

I've been thinking about those friends i used to have and those i had to give up and why i did so. But friends will always come and go. Some will choose to stay but others don't. I used to blame myself for my failed relationship (friendship) and let myself believe that i am really not a best friend material. LOL! Having no best friend was never an issue but when i was asked by my professor to describe my best friend (except our family, boyfriend/girlfriend and relatives), I just wrote in my paper "She/he is a human opposite of me" and i also wrote MY BLOG! .:)

I used to have one way back in high school, I can even remember our so called anniversary (july 12) and an emo post i wrote in my journal few yrs ago. lo hecho, hecho está meaning What's done is done and there is no way i can change the past. =) and I am still glad that we still remain friends though we never really talked about the past. What's important is whatever happen I know that she will always be there for me and i will always be there for her. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance and If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so. I read this quote from an old book my mum gave me;

Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.

It may be true but not everyone has a best friend in life. It's not a choice nor a decision and it's not a destiny. I don't know, no one knows. What i need now is a SISTER!!! hahaha but seriously one thing's for sure..... people come and go...

Reality

Recently I’ve found myself bogged down in the real world. All my head space has been taken up by thoughts on money, my education, my job, what my choices are for the future, my relationship, my friendships and all the petty drama that surrounds day-to-day life. It’s all worry, worry, worry, and few of the things I worry about are things I can actually control right now. I don’t know if I’ll make it through my degree and graduate, but If I’ll give all my best I know I can, I don’t know if I can be a good teacher to my future student, or what kind of job I’ll have, and I don’t know if my relationship with my boyfriend will last in the long-term; these are simply wait and see things that I can’t figure out now. I make myself so unhappy thinking and worrying about all these things. My brain seems to take this as a signal to suddenly start shouting every problem I have, expecting a solution where there are none.

I used to be such a dreamer. My favorite pastime was daydreaming. I was constantly told I was too much inside my head; but I liked it there, I was happy. Is it that the older you get, the less you live in your own world and are forced to live in the real one, the less happy you are?I just realize today that i am a REAL DREAMER, that this is what makes me happy, that’s how long its been since I’ve let myself relax and just imagine whatever makes me happy; to see my life positively. Because most of the time I am steeped in the reality, which seems to only be stress and struggle, and quite mundane.

But now I remember it doesn’t have to be like that, I can sit back, close my eyes, and create the life I want to have, experience things out of my reach right now. Even just the thought of going to my own made up life for just a little while has lifted my spirit. Sometimes I guess all you can do is tell yourself that the worries you have can’t be helped right now, and retire to a good daydream, filled with hope and happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

It’s the last day of 2011 & I can’t believe the year went by so quickly. Looking back on this year, I can say this year was filled with massive progress for me. As the year approaches to an end, it is the time of the year where once again, we are inevitably drawn to reflect on the events of previous year.

Like every year, some unfortunate incident happened, I made wrong decisions, I cried, I hurt, argue with my parents, lost my temper, quarrel with my close friends and did so many things that I am not proud of. But, there’s no reason for me to dwell on the negative part of my 2011. I just want to leave them behind and carry the learning’s they taught me as I enter 2012. More than anything, I am grateful for good health and the miracle that is life. There are so many thoughts running around my head. So many things waiting in the New Year. Will I be ready for them? Am a stronger, whole, and anticipating what is yet to come? It is a great comfort to know I am loved. That God has been so generous with his arms wide open so I can burrow in them in laughter and in tears. Every triumph, no matter how big or small and even when so many questions are still begging for answers, I know there is a reason for everything.

As I enter 2012, I know it will be full of challenges and trials, I guess my work will be more demanding and stressful along with school schedule that made my life miserable this year but I am ready to accept and face them all. Who knows what 2012 hold in store for me? For all I know I have HIM in me. I just always need to be strong and will say: “I’M READY!”

May God continue to bless you and your family with divine light, love and power that will bring much love, joy, peace, inner strength and overflowing abundance in your home. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

contemplating

Few days ago, i gave my self a time to contemplate the past event of my life. Unwanted and unforgettable memories flashes back. Then i realized that we sometimes paint picture with our own mind. We form images that conform with our experiences, the depth and sometimes the pain of the insightful compel us to reflect on how they have touched our lives. The pain is insignificant but the consciousness is not. A lost love, a broken promises, an endless search or perhaps a cry in the dark. Pain has a way of telling us how human we are. Of how weak and strong we truly are. Well, it doesn't mean that my life is full of pain.. But i learned that life isn't all about pain. Life too offers sweetness.an endless embrace, or a simple get together with our loved once or friend. Joy has a way of affirming the rainbows in our eyes. Experiences teach us the hope and despair that we all encounter and sometimes confront. The realization that we learn to appreciate them are the thing that make us go on. We live in a hope that our lives will have meaning and fulfillment and lesson that we learn along the way are embedded in our lives are told by the images of our experiences. The richness or despondency of our lives is manifested by the picture of our past,present and future. We remember and learn. We experience and grow. We hope and we live. Life is to short right? Too short to be wasted they say and i used to believe on that but i still hope and believe to have a bizarre longevity. A long fantastic life ahead of me along with my family,friends and loved once. I just let god guide my way as i am planning to expand my horizon when the right time comes. Life was not meant to be wasted. Life was and is meant to be experienced

Have you ever?

Its been 4 years since i had my first heart break and till now I'm still lurking on my ex's wall. Looking back, i was in a state of euphoria regardless of the distance (he lives in CA while i live here in PH).But, i ruined that ideal relationship. I was young, still immature and selfish then and it was too late for me to save that something ideal.

Though at times people won't believe me saying i already moved on. Srsly i already did. We had a serious talk on my birthday this year that made me cry and made me really happy. It felt so nostalgic, regrets was visible, pain was there especially when i heard some familiar songs but it's all in the past. For me Moving on and letting go is pretty different. You have to let go of the feelings before you can finally moved on. Honestly, it took me years to finally let go of that feelings. However, moving on is really the tough part in a relationship. It’s the way of leaving behind where you used to stand then oblivion crawls slowly and slowly heals the burden you might feel upon moving forward to a new phase of your life. I’ve been there and yet I still don’t know where I’m heading.. I keep on looking forward and tries not to look back cause I’m afraid that I might be locked up into that static and bleak past of mine.But still, there are times that i cant help my self to look back and feel that superfluous feelings.

Guess, i had enough!.

short rant

I was staring at my assessment form for a couple of minute wishing it belongs to someone else. It was really my fault. No one told me to get 28 units this term and now i regret it BIG TIME!!!!!!! DARN schedules! Since the second term started i had been depriving myself of things. Hopefully i can still make it ;)

random rant

I am not all the way through the discomfort, yet. I still find myself naturally wanting to hide some parts of myself, in certain situations. I still find myself denying the truth of my own experience in an effort to greater fit in. Though I know this mask is ill-fitting, it is what I am used to wearing and to go out into the world without that mask is to experience life in a different way. A new and strange way. However, I am far enough through the discomfort to recognize that this is, simply, the process of coming out for me. I am far enough through the discomfort to understand that it is not discomfort with my identity, but rather with the sense that I am exposed, and this discomfort will go away as I become more comfortable exposing my reality.And in learning to accept and process the discomfort, I am finding within myself the power to be comfortable with myself. To interact with the world from a place of security. To feel as if the emotional structures I build are no longer houses of cards, but rather castles with strong foundations. To sit, calmly, and know that I am who I am and that is enough.Putting on makeup will not change that. Binding will not change that. Both of those are tools I can use to make myself look however I want to look on a given day, but they are not things that are necessary in order for me to feel that I present honestly, anymore. Because I am learning to love who I am inside and, in large part, disregard what I look like on the outside. My body is merely a shell, a home to decorate as I see fit, for the presence that is uniquely me.I’m still growing.

I’m still learning. I’m still stripping away layers of crap that has been dumped on me, and layers of defenses I’ve built haphazardly in my quest for self-protection. I still need to hear that the people I care about are proud of me. That they’re behind me. That they believe in me. I still need direction, sometimes, and a sounding board. For all that I’ve grown, I’m still only twenty two years old, and that is not really very old. I’m still unsure of a lot. And that’s okay.

Author

WELCOME to my new precious blog! Blogging for me is an escape from this irksome life i have. This is a place to rant about my daily life, my ups and downs and of course some my random thoughts. I love photography, mythology, witchcarft, butterflies and chocolates. .. I'm not outspoken and words can be heard to the limitations of my senses and i don't trust anyone that's the reason why i would prefer writing my thoughts