Sugar Rush

i love that adrenaline you get when you do something tiny, like crossing the road when the lights aren’t right, or running for the bus in good shoes. seeing him, or her. thinking about friday, &next next monday. skipping a lesson, buying something completely unplanned.

I've been listening to Sugar Rush by A*teens but this feeling amused me (lol). Bringing back my childhood :X

You make me so excited
And I don't wanna fight it
I start to blush
You are my sugar rush
Ain't nothing better, baby
Is it for real or maybe?
You are my sugar rush
I start to blush
I got a sweet tooth
And a taste for you
And it might be too obvious but
I (I) I can't help myself from what I do

Oh well...

The end of my childhood :D

They say don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Better late than never eh? Watched the last part of the movie last year but i wasn't able to published my draft on my old blog. As I saw There's No Place Like Hogwarts fanpage. I lurked at their page and decided to update my blog :) so here it goes :D :D :D :D

I am really fascinated with witcraft, wizards, magic, spells, broomstick, etc. I even call myself a witch when i was young and believed that they existed (till now). One of my favorite magical related series was The worst witch; dunno if some of you have ever heard or watched the series but it was really nice. Yearssssss ago, 3 young wizard entered my life. I was 11 years old then and a freshmen student, Just like a shooting star I fell in love with them. It may sound hilarious to other people - I don't care! Get a life people and enjoy watching PORN.. lol. Seriously, I love some of the movie sequel but i prefer reading the books and listening to my audiobook on my ipod.

Since i wasn't able to find a hard bound copy of the last book I downloaded an audiobook file of all the books on my iPod and listened to them for a week. I couldn't remember how many times i cried when i listen to the last book especially when dobby was killed, when the narrator was starting to mention the list of people who died during the battle namely; Fred Lupin, tonks and I was crying my heart out like i also felt the pain when Snape died :( even until now every time i listen to the audio book again.

When i watched the last part everything was ominous, after watching the movie i marked it as the end of my childhood. Like millions of fans out there, I literally shed a tears because it really did signify the end of my childhood. I grew up with HP- we grew up together. I sometimes find myself feeling bittersweet but i am turning 23 this year, i have a job and starting to be independent. Growing up is really exciting but scary. Instead of spending summer outside, reading and staying up late watching tv. I have to work. I can still do those things but i have to learn to limit my self. I have to act maturely or else my life will be doomed HAHAHA. I passed the days dreaming, playing with my toy wand and pretend to be a witch and move on to another chapter of my life and it really means that childhood is over. I guess it's been over for a while but i really have to accept and acknowledge it now. I couldn't blame my family for telling me to act suitable for my age.

As what my favorite Lion king once told me, it's the circle of life. We can't escape it. We can't cheat nor avoid death or even cast a spell to make ourselves younger ( technology is another thing) but we can embrace life. We can look fondly at the past and remember all the people and even things that have been part of our lives- HP will always be part of mine. No one said that growing up is easy but i learned that it doesn't have to be harder as we sometimes make our life complicated. Evaluating my life for the past 2 months I learned that growing up isn't all about work and no play and money. Though the end means the of my childhood ( for me), Somehow I may find myself 20 years from now, Looking back fondly and remembering the days when my life was once magical. Then again, Life's random moment can always be touched with magic regardless of our age.

Though I'm sad and you're probably thinking i am a basket case for getting this emotional about HP, I guess i can find solace in the fact that i Know few years from now, I'll be able to introduce harry and the rest of the character to my future children and they can grow up with him as i did and my boyfrie doesn't like that idea BUT I LIKE IT A LOT AHHAAH

I will be forever grateful to the series for making my childhood an epic one. :)

41st and counting...

He inspires me, gives me confidence, and helps me to view things in a new way. He’s the rational, insightful part of my brain that I’ve never been able to fully access.
We’re moving forward in our relationship and it’s one of the most thrilling things I’ve ever experienced. This year is going to bring so many new experiences, and I am truly honored to share them with him.

A Cocoon

I woke up with a pain on my right neck, had a quick bath since i am almost late but when i went to my room i decided to drink my antidepressant medicine that was prescribed by my psychia and chose to stay at home and prepare my 2 power point presentation for my report :|.

This month is very tough for me. I went to my psychiatrist last week for my sleeping problems and asked for a mild sleeping pills (Stilnox made me hallucinate) but the pill didn't worked. Dealing with this anxiety sh!ty thing gives me too much problem. In School, My Work and My Life! I sometimes cry for stupid reason and worry on other people's problem that's beyond my conscience. In school, I might be looking at my professor but my mind is flying somewhere same as when i am working. Instead of picking up my shattered self confidence and starting to work on my goals. My life is on hiatus! Seems like this butterfly turned into a cocoon again and becoming a full grown butterfly will stay as a dream forever.

I'm still thankful to Mami keym and my dogs. Sometimes I think of going back to my old hobby. Why not click the word me ME in the upper section right there (<---------) eh?! My books are just waiting for me to open them since i haven't read some of em'. Seriously, I miss my old life before i met online games and internet. Spending the whole day in the house reading books and even writing poems. I'm not a good writer but only I and my very very old friend way back in h.s and recently my boyfie knew that i love to write.( i would write a topic about writing someday) though i am not really good at it.

As much as i wanted to type more words here. Feels like the side effect of the meds is now visible and i might spill something that i am not comfortable with HAHA...

Ja Ne~! (boooo i miss saying that word )

they come and go......

I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.

kawaii!!!

I Finally remove the auto play music in my blog :) and thinking of putting an mp3 playlist. Just spare me some time kk? :D

I woke up from a very loud voice of my dad this morning. DAMN!! i just slept for an hour and when i tried to go back to dream land, i couldn't find my way to SLEEP. I called boyfie just to wake him up since t'was almost 8:00am and his class starts exactly 8:00 unfortunately and i bet this "sleepyhead boyfie of mine" is snoring his a** out that he couldn't hear his phone :D . Since Eurybe (My lappy) is always On till i leave the house, I checked my mail just like any other day(lol) and think of working on my new assignment but just like any other day again! I end up lurking random people's profile on facebook. This time, I lurked on my old friends when i was young, during my elementary days, high school days and my early college days.

I've been thinking about those friends i used to have and those i had to give up and why i did so. But friends will always come and go. Some will choose to stay but others don't. I used to blame myself for my failed relationship (friendship) and let myself believe that i am really not a best friend material. LOL! Having no best friend was never an issue but when i was asked by my professor to describe my best friend (except our family, boyfriend/girlfriend and relatives), I just wrote in my paper "She/he is a human opposite of me" and i also wrote MY BLOG! .:)

I used to have one way back in high school, I can even remember our so called anniversary (july 12) and an emo post i wrote in my journal few yrs ago. lo hecho, hecho está meaning What's done is done and there is no way i can change the past. =) and I am still glad that we still remain friends though we never really talked about the past. What's important is whatever happen I know that she will always be there for me and i will always be there for her. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance and If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so. I read this quote from an old book my mum gave me;

Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.

It may be true but not everyone has a best friend in life. It's not a choice nor a decision and it's not a destiny. I don't know, no one knows. What i need now is a SISTER!!! hahaha but seriously one thing's for sure..... people come and go...

Reality

Recently I’ve found myself bogged down in the real world. All my head space has been taken up by thoughts on money, my education, my job, what my choices are for the future, my relationship, my friendships and all the petty drama that surrounds day-to-day life. It’s all worry, worry, worry, and few of the things I worry about are things I can actually control right now. I don’t know if I’ll make it through my degree and graduate, but If I’ll give all my best I know I can, I don’t know if I can be a good teacher to my future student, or what kind of job I’ll have, and I don’t know if my relationship with my boyfriend will last in the long-term; these are simply wait and see things that I can’t figure out now. I make myself so unhappy thinking and worrying about all these things. My brain seems to take this as a signal to suddenly start shouting every problem I have, expecting a solution where there are none.

I used to be such a dreamer. My favorite pastime was daydreaming. I was constantly told I was too much inside my head; but I liked it there, I was happy. Is it that the older you get, the less you live in your own world and are forced to live in the real one, the less happy you are?I just realize today that i am a REAL DREAMER, that this is what makes me happy, that’s how long its been since I’ve let myself relax and just imagine whatever makes me happy; to see my life positively. Because most of the time I am steeped in the reality, which seems to only be stress and struggle, and quite mundane.

But now I remember it doesn’t have to be like that, I can sit back, close my eyes, and create the life I want to have, experience things out of my reach right now. Even just the thought of going to my own made up life for just a little while has lifted my spirit. Sometimes I guess all you can do is tell yourself that the worries you have can’t be helped right now, and retire to a good daydream, filled with hope and happiness.